Trench Coat Guy owns the Recess patio

Recess was just supposed to be another summer afternoon on the patio. Yappy Hour, a few drinks, dogs everywhere, the usual scene. Then a 7-foot-adjacent guy in a full-length camel trench coat, dark fedora, purple shirt and white Nikes decided to turn the artificial turf into his personal runway, and every phone in the building came out.

Barstool Chicago

@barstoolchicago

Come by and have a few with us at Recess today for Yappy Hour

What started as a normal patio crowd quickly turned into a fashion show. The trench coat sweeping the turf, the brim of the hat hovering somewhere near the string lights, the patrons parting like he'd been announced. TJ couldn't get past one thing: the sheer height. The dude was looming.

Viva La Stool

@VivaLaStool

A lotta people don’t know that Spider is actually 8 feet tall

From there it spiraled into a full Barstool bit. The main account decided the fit was so loud it had to be a Combine entrance, slapping the Diego Pavia label on it like the Vandy QB was strutting in for measurements. NFL prospects have turned Combine arrivals into a runway moment over the last couple cycles, and this guy walked in like he was auditioning for the next cover.

And then came the Spider angle, with the bit being that the longtime Barstool guy is secretly 8 feet tall and this was the proof. Obviously not literal, but when you've got a man in a trench coat clearing the crowd by a full head at an outdoor bar, the jokes write themselves.

No real stakes here. No game, no scoreboard, no controversy. Just a tall guy, a great coat, and a Recess patio that got hijacked into being the main character of a Wednesday night. Sometimes that's all the internet needs.